50 Shades of Grey, Twilight, and Pride and Prejudice!

I am terrible at keeping up with what I am supposed to be doing, so after many long weeks of lazy days and summer holidays I wanted to write again. (You can always message me or bollock me about not writing and I will perhaps make more of an effort. :))

Bubble has now banned me from helping with his homework!

September brings us a series of new challenges, my favourite number one boy has started High School, Squeak goes up another year and life goes on.  She is happy and secure in what she does, and like most girls can be pretty fickle when she wants to be.

Bubble however is making that big step into the unknown.  The village where we live is home to the High School - and six or seven other small villages feed into it - not only has he got to adjust from being a big fish in quite a big pond to being a little fish, he has to get to grips with loads more little fish.  He is handling it all with usual innocuousness, and so far so good.

Homework however is proving problematical!  Bubble has always viewed homework as a sort of optional extra, if he likes the subject he will do it - if he does not then it's ok - Mum will do it!   This is a system that has been in operation for the last 6 years and Bubble had no intention of altering the status quo.  We have eventually come to an agreement.  He will sit down at the kitchen table three nights a week and do homework,  I will not use the extra large cable ties I have bought to strap his leg to the kitchen table!

Any way - I digress.

Bubble came home the other night with a face like a wet lettuce,  truly despondent about his English homework  The conversation went like this:

"Hi Bubble, had a good day?"  "It was great until I got to English, you will never guess what we have to do, it's all about emotions and stuff.  I hate that kind of stuff - it's a teenage girls book and I am so not interested"

40something bitch:  "It cant be that bad love, give it go you might be surprised"

Bubble:  "Mum - It's Twilight!"

At this point I spat my my cup of tea out, all over the kitchen side, knocked over the sugar bowl!

I have no objection to kids reading everything and anything, indeed as the bookworm I am, I read more than most people,  it's a very true saying of the Duchess "if you never learn to read - you never learn to think" and generally I encourage my kids to read whatever they want to.

So why do I draw the the line at Twilight?

Because it's a pile of teenage angst and emotions, a badly written piece of work that encourages bad behaviours, encircled by the glamour of a love story, with sparkly vampires who opt to drink animal blood.  Like they opt to be vegetarians!

The author of Twilight openly admits that she was inspired to write it once she had read Jane Austens,  Pride and Prejudice,   A classic work of Victorian literature, still read today, it's brilliant both for its social commentary, plot and story. Stephanie Meyer is not alone in copying plots and moving them to a modern setting, so in this respect I can still kind of go with it   - Madame Bovary was heavily influenced by Don Quixote , Finnegans Wake was inspired by C.S.Lewis -  Alices adventures in Wonderland and Willd Sargasso Sea is a prequel to Charlotte Brontes  - Jane Eyre.

E.L.James was inspired to write "50 Shades of Grey" after reading Twilight.

It is a book which is written with appalling syntax, and grammar. The  plot deals with a couple who do nothing but have kinky sex, and is written in such a way that the "heroine"  has to be a submissive to the dominating hero who, make no mistake about it - enjoys what he does, plays the "I'm damaged, and flawed" card so many times it's cringe worthy and she still runs after him!.  There is absolutely no plot or story, and now they have made a film about it.

Why I am I spitting my tea out?

Vampires are a creation of classic Victorian Gothic literature.  They are monsters, there is no redemption for them, Bram Stoker did not write Dracula as a love story.  Anne Rice's "Interview with a Vampire" is superb reading,  "Van Hellsing" is another must watch. Vampires are ultimately monsters.  Gothic Horror at it's best.  Jane Eyre is also gothic horror albeit with a happy ending once Mr Rochester had been punished for lying.

The Twilight series have been compared to the Harry Potter Series of books, and again I just don't see it.  We have read as a family all of those books, love them, and frequently re-read them.

A quote from Robin Browne states "Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity.........Twilight is about  how important it is to have a boyfriend"

Society today seems to accept that chasing the cheap thrill is normal, that teenage girls need to validate their existence by being in a relationship, and made to feel they are odd or not normal if they choose to follow a different path grates on my nerves.   Encouraging our teenagers to believe that in order to validate themselves, our adults of the future, into accepting that in order to find love you need to compromise, to the point of being submissive is extreme.

So - after going off on one - and explaining to Bubble all about the evolution of  Pride and Prejudice -he  has yet again, with a smile banned me from helping him with his homework!

He says he does not want to be excluded from his school just yet!

Thanks for reading

xx

Just Once.............Proms and shopping

The last two weeks have been all about school.  In particular Bubble is in his last year so the teachers and staff have made a fabulous effort to give them a few weeks of fun they will remember for a long time.  We have had camp outs, barbecues, walks, fancy dress, bingo, beetledrives, and orienteering to name but a few.  While this is has been amazing for the kids - It ain't half given me a few headaches with the extra things we have to remember everyday.  Sleeping bags, roll mats, torches, fancy dress, sturdy boots for walking, (completely forgot about about sunscreen), extra drinks for hot days walking, leaving presents for teachers, awards ceremonies, school assemblies in church and school, class photos.....the list is endless. To add to this general chaos, they are off on their holidays in the camper with their dad as soon as they finish school today, and they are being dropped of at the "glampervan" next week, so there are two holdalls with two different sets of clothes in taking up the sofa, the ironing board is permanently up, it's too hot to walk the dog so he is bored and destructive, and I am in the middle of helping to decorate a room for a wedding celebration.

My organisational skills can at best be described as chaotic, and at worst like a nuclear bomb going off, the only thing I can positively say is it all gets done in the end!

Nothing however has given me a bigger headache than the prom!  In my day we never had things like leavers discos or proms or activities week.  I seem to remember being given a pen and pencil to use at secondary school, and that was it.  Initially Bubble was a bit reluctant about the whole prom thing, so I thought he would not go, then after talking about it he came home and said he would go but  "I am NOT wearing a suit and I am certainly NOT wearing old mans shoes."  This suited me fine as I thought I could get away with buying him a new tee-shirt.  Yet again I was to be proved wrong.

On Thursday he came home and decided he was really into the idea of the prom so please could I magic up a suit from somewhere!  He needed it for Tuesday.  He was busy at the weekend, and shopping was impossible.

Ebay came to the rescue,  We measured him up, found a 5 piece suit (Jacket, trousers, waistcoat, shirt and tie) at a really reasonable price but the best bit was "fast and free delivery".  I thought I was a genius - wardrobe sorted, it would be delivered Friday, we could have our weekend, concentrate on other stuff and generally be the kind of yummy supermummy I never am.

Of course it did not quite happen that way!

By Tuesday morning the said suit had still not arrived, despite being sent by first class signed for post it was no where to be seen. Frantic calls to the supplier, and the Post Office were useless.  I checked my bank account which had nothing in it, and I had about £20 to my name.  In desperation I phoned the Duchess, explained the situation and said please could I borrow some money as I have to go to Primark to sort Bubble out something to wear for that evening. It was the one day I had not jumped in the shower first thing, and now did not have time!

Set off on the 20 mile drive to our nearest Primark, and ended up in the mens wear section.  I stand there scratching my head as I have no clue whatsoever about buying mens trousers or shirts.  I don't know his collar size, his inside or outside leg measurements, or anything.  In the end I decide Bubble is roughly the same size as me (a little bit taller) so I use myself to measure against.  God knows what the shop assistant thought of a ditzy woman in mens wear measuring her neck and legs!

I paid for the items, jumped back in the car, drove the 20 miles back, jumped in the shower, microwaved some soup and turned up at church where Bubble was giving one of the speeches at the leavers assembly.  Then I set off to the cricket club to help decorate the float they were all going on.  Got back for 3.30 to meet the kids.

They came home, both with excellent school reports and I explained to Bubble about his new outfit, then he had to try it on and I did need to alter the legs and the belt a bit.  Squeak wanted to go out playing and stropped when I said NO!  She had to stay with me as we had to walk behind the float for the school prom.  The dog needed to be walked, there was no tea made, my friend needed to use the printer, and I was instructed that he did not like his current deodorant so please could I nip to Mozzys and get some "Lynx".!

Chucking chicken nuggets and oven chips on a tray, I fled to Mozzys to get the right smellies, having got tea sorted, Bubble walked the dog, I altered the trousers.  My friend arrived to use the printer with her toddler in tow.  My house is an accident waiting to happen for toddlers!  The iron was on, there were permanent marker pens everywhere (for the teeshirt signings tomorrow), the kitchen table is full of glass jars, and sparkly shiny things and hot glue guns, and lighters and wire cutters for wedding stuff I am doing. The front room is full of holiday things like new toothpaste and shampoo all of which toddlers love squeezing!  I solved that issue by finding her some really healthy and nutritious crisps and sitting her on the sofa with supervisor Squeak.

By 5.55 we were finally, finally ready to go....

Bubble looked amazing, the float was superb, all the lads had made an effort to dress up and the girls looked simply stunning.  Arriving at the prom they walked down the red carpet like the superstars they all are and had a superb ending to their days at primary school. Picking Bubble up at 9pm we walked home tired and happy.  I forgot it was bin day in the morning so 6AM Wednesday morning, saw me running down the path with an over full wheelie bin in tee-shirt and knickers as that's what time the feckin bin men come and the missing suit decided to turn up in the post today!

Bubble has had an amazing time, and is very much looking forward to his jollys

I on the other hand think It's time to employ a cleaner!

Thanks for reading x

A walk in the country!!! My Ass!

Glamping this week, has involved a walk up Snowdon!

I carefully and thoroughly researched this before setting off to the caravan this week.  I researched "safe routes for kids,"  "family friendly"  and "easy" routes up Snowdon.  I talked to Squeak about it beforehand, and I was I thought well prepared.

In my uni days I used to hang out with the mountain rescue guys, was friends with the guys in the climbing club and have happy memories of weekends spent camping in the lakes walking the fells.  I have some experience of mountain walking so believed we would be fine.  As ever my kids derail me every time!

The Snowdon Ranger was the route I settled on.  Packed lunch made, flasks, juice, waterproofs, dog, kids, and sat nav sorted.  However the Sat Nav took us to a place 3 miles down the road from where we had supposed to be setting off.  Bubble by this point had had enough (he gets car sick in the back of cars), getting out in a remote car park and reading the information board he declared.  " Right - this route will be alright - it's scenic - it will be fine!"  I tried to point out that it was a harder mountain route, but he and the delinquent were having none of it.

So off we went............It was hard, very hard. We scrambled streams, climbed rocks, averted waterfalls ascended 3085 feet, wobbled over a 3ft ridge for about a mile with a distinctly disgruntled delinquent on a lead to reach the top.  I refused to let him off the lead because even at nearly 3 years old he STILL has an issue with sheep!  At the top there were of tourists in tee shirts and shorts who had all conveniently taken the train up - walked 50 steps to have their photographs taken and got back on the train to go back down.  We did not sneer AT ALL! or felt smug or superior in any way whatsoever.

We had a cup of tea in the visitor centre and walked back down.

It was epic! we are very proud of ourselves and the kids are all for doing again.  I have pointed out that ANY other route we choose will be easy compared to this one, so their plan for the summer is  to do all of them!  (I am hiding in a corner).

The rest of our holiday involved days on the beach, crab fishing (with real fish guts!), the car boot sale and market, the walls of Conwy Castle and generally having a really good time reconnecting with my kids.

The moral of this story is - we climbed a mountain, it's no big deal people do it every day.  My obsessive checking on the internet as to "safe" routes for kids is rubbish.  They bounced up - scrambled rocks, streams, bogs, very bloody high ridges, climbed 3,085 feet, walked 9 miles and were playing badminton at the caravan an hour after we got back.

40something on the hand still feels like she needs 2 hip replacements 5 days later and my ass still bloody hurts when I sit down!  I walk up the stairs and everything hurts!  I am getting old.

Thanks for reading
x

Is it just me.............

I am constantly amazed, and even horrified at what people complain about,  I fell out with ebay today, not because I had done anything wrong, but because I had to be in the office dealing with a complaint.  

I recently picked up a set of cast iron pans with wooden handles and lids on that were knackered!  They were made before WW2, were very black and very knackered.  I stuck them on ebay for £35 - thinking they might appeal to an interior decorator, or someone who has a huge country farmhouse kitchen and needed authentic items.  I clearly labelled them as vintage, and sold them within a week.

Today I received the following email:

"you didn't descibe these pans as broken and need of serious repair?  We have had nothing but problems since we received them, the handles were loose and needed to be fixed or the whole pan would rotate one way, they were and still are full of so much rust no matter how much we clean and scrub them."

Who - in this day and age -  in their right minds  - buys a set of pans that are at least 70 years old, pays £6.50 postage and seriously intends to bloody cook with them!

However, - I am aware that these people are my customers so I have to be nice, and patient, and charming, and not condescending, irate and sarcastic at all! The resulting barrage of emails has made for epic reading and hopefully by tomorrow it will be resolved one way or another.

Then I met another one - in French!  despite clearly stating UK postage only I received an enquiry written in French - not a problem I thought, google is fab - I will translate it and reply.  I replied about weights and measurements - and guess what - I have now sold an item to someone in Quebec!  When I specifically said: I will ship to Europe, but for the rest of world please contact me for a shipping price - I meant it!  Yet more emails, and I am now shipping 4 tiles to Canada.  They will break or be damaged before they get there, and yet again I will be in the complaints department! 

Bubble has hit a massive growth spurt and it sometimes feels that every time I look at him he has grown 3 inches.  He now has size 7 feet, is 5" 1, wears big mans boots and it still at primary school. He takes everything thrown at him in his stride, and has a sense of humour the same as his mums.  Squeak is smaller, dainty and bothers and troubles about everything.

This week was "Sex and relationship stuff" at school.  Year 6 have done about changes in your body in the next few years, year 4 have done about babies.    Squeak came home and talked for about 3 hours about what she had seen on the educational videos - she was highly indignant however that a little boy sat next to her had fainted and landed on top of her, thus breaking his fall.  This more than anything else has been her abiding memory.

Bubble on the other hand..............

I have been nagging him for about a week about his bedroom, (we have a deal - his room is private and his space so I only go in there to clean)  I nagged him again tonight and with a smile he set off to clean his room so I could clean.  The resulting debris included 6 empty glasses, 2 full bins, about 32 odd socks and a few bits of dirty clothes that have been festering under his bed for a while.  He cleaned out his gerbils, picked up his lego and generally was amazing.  Then I made a mistake.......

40something - "Bubble -while your at it will you strip your bed and bring your sheets down please?"

Bubble - "It's ok mum I don't think I need to, I have not had any wet dreams or anything yet!"

 I am dreading the next few years

Thanks for reading

 

My head is mashed - completely and absolutely blown with all the things I have got rolling around and going on at the moment.  None of them are my things really, they belong to the kids or other people but as the leader of this particular orchestra it's down to the band leader to get it sorted. I am a single mum of 40 something years old - If I am honest I am nearer 50.  I have two children at primary school (one heads off to high school this year) and I do everything.  You can never explain to someone who has not been a single parent how hard it is - to keep all those balls juggling in the air.  Even my bro (who I love dearly) does not get it - he thinks and says I have been a single parent for 10 years, so really you just doing what you have always done!  I beg to differ:

I cook, I clean,I  keep a rather messy house, I have a stupid dog (who is not the loving companion you imagine when you get a dog but hard work) I do the DIY, (I DO THE FRIGGIN DIY!), I try to make enough money selling tat to keep us afloat. I do the washing, the Ironing, the bloody gardening, I change light bulbs, I change fuses,  I sort the bills out, I arrange haircuts, Dr's and Dentists, I sort play stuff out, I keep my kids on track at school with reading, and tables, and topics,  and SAT's - I indulge my children's obsessions with art or Lego or Minecraft.  I encourage them to keep relationships with their dad and family members.  I stay up till all hours talking to my kids helping them with their woes and worries. I spend endless amounts of time worrying, I am tired all the time,  there is no one else to balance out all your hopes and fears, no-one to take the kids to the park, or for chips or for a bike ride - I do it all and I work bloody hard to be a parent!  

School sucks!

School takes up such a large part of my life when it actually is only 6 hours of my day.  The obligatory school uniforms, PE kits, fecking healthy packed lunch boxes and reading diaries are the norm, Bubble is off up to high school this year and that brings us a new set of challenges, but....... on Friday we are officially wagging school!  

How does that work?  School is on strike on Thursday, it's an inset day on Monday. So I officially asked for a day off on Friday. We are going glamping again to Grandma's caravan. The official line is : "Your request has been denied but you will not occur a fine on this occasion!" 

I  ask for one day off - to fit in around what the school has already planned.  I don't take my kids out for extra days, take them out for shopping ,or trips to Lapland to see Santa,  we have not had a snow day since I can't remember (the High School is always shut when it snows, primary stays open). I don't book holidays outside of term time. and I have just realised I am on a rant again instead of this post being the rather apologetic " I'm sorry I have not written for ages, and I have loads of things going on, and I am busy, and I am hormonal, and I have loads of excuses......"  School on the other hand plans and organises my children's lives on the assumption that I am legally and contractually obliged to go along with what they have planned because it is the best interests of my children.

Excuse me?

Both my children could read and write their letters before they started school, I know this because I sat for hours with them, and we enjoyed that time.  Both my kids have their times tables off by heart, because I have done that,  Grammar wise they are both pretty good because their mum can be pretty friggin pedantic at times and their general knowledge is amazing.  This I know because I drag them round historic ruins every chance I get, talk to my kids at dinner time about their day, and we even listen and read along to books on tape, rather than just watching a film.


This was supposed to be a rather apologetic post apologising for not posting for a while,but I promised to write again, and this is where my head is.   My 11 year old son had a clip round the ear this evening.  He had been to his dads and I had been to the caravan to photograph a spare awning I have to put on ebay,  the conversation went as follows

Bubble:  Have you been to caravan this weekend mum?

40something: " yes I took aunty Liz cos we were sorting the  awnings out"

long pause...................." "where did you both sleep?"

40something rolls eyes -  "in the double bed love."

Bubbles eyes light up  "Am I going to have two mummy's?"

40something:: "No darling you are not - but I hope when you bring Sebastian or Tristan home to meet me, you don't think I am giggling in a corner, I will be fine meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend"

Bubble considers the implications of this - snorts in disgust and strops off to bed.

Thanks for reading

Ab Fab, the 80's and fashion dahling...........

The above picture is a pretty good analogy of me and Pats. Pats is tall, super glamorous, never leaves the house without her "eyes" on, has her hair done on a regular basis, has a cracking sense of humor and knows absolutely that she is always right all the time! She is my very best friend and I love her dearly.  I am small (5'0), embrace fashion and new trends the way Edina does, never quite hitting the mark, and quite often behave with Bubble and Squeak the way Eddy does with Saffy  (It's rather pathetic really thinking about it.), and like Eddy I shall be horrified if Bubble and Squeak become solicitors or work in the city!

The bestie is on a mission, she thinks we NEED a night out and we absolutely HAVE to go to some 1980's themed party.  Absence is not an option where Patsy is concerned and her campaigning efforts to get me on board with it are relentless. Both being children of that time - we know all the music and can have a very good time dancing to records we still play today!  I tend to avoid parties and nights out these days, not because I have turned into a party pooper or hermit like recluse, but because the politics of being a single women in her mid 40's grinds me down.  Woe betide you if you talk to someone elses husband for more than 4 mins and 30 seconds, you start to get funny looks, people relentlessly team you up with a "spare" man who invariably has some tale of woe about his ex wife or beloved which you are expected to sit and sympathize with (I have my own tales of woe and I DO not want to talk about them on a night out when I am supposed to be having fun), conversation with wives and girlfriends leaves me bewildered and a little lost that this is what real life is all about these days, I don't go on 3 holidays a year, have a new car every couple of years, constantly revamp the house having new kitchens or bathrooms, nor do I have a list of "ailments" or womens problems that need sharing. I often end up feeling like a billiard ball bouncing around the room in an effort not to cause raised eyebrows!

Anyway on to fashion, Patsy's 80's campaign involves lengthy discussions on what we all wore in the 80's.  I dig out some old university photo's.  I was wearing black leggings, black boots, a long grey tee-shirt and a waistcoat with a scarf around my neck.  I look at the amazing creation I am wearing today - Black leggings, black boots and a long grey tee-shirt with a scarf! (I did consider a waistcoat this morning but thought it was a bit formal). This worries me a bit as I am either super trendy or have like Miss Haversham in Great Expectations been stuck in time for the last 30 years!  Even I realise that turning up to a 1980's themed party, looking like you look like every day is a fashion no no!

I google "fashion trends in the 1980's" this brings up lots of pictures of the "Dallas" and "Dynasty" type outfits,  Joan Collins with big shiny shirts and shoulder pads that make supermans shoulders look small or Crystal Carrington in sparkly floor length "Jessica Rabbit" type dresses. There seems to be a lot of the Madonna look in Desperately seeking Susan (lace and leather) or the brightly coloured dungarees that kids TV presenters all wore.  I am not sure I ever bought into any of these looks, and although my street cred is minuscule I am not about to lose what little I have left being a Joan Collins lookalike, or a loud and scratchy childrens TV presenter!

I look at play lists from the 80's trying to find some kind of definitive look that I can at least stomach, Duran Duran, Adam and the Ants, Bannarama, The Bangles, Bonnie Tyler, Aretha Franklin, Queen and David Bowie. INXS, Stray Cats and Blondie, Tina Turner, Cher and Culture Club.  All of these great bands and singers had some kind of look, but I am not at all sure a very small, dumpy 40something could ever carry them off. Can you really see me with a Tina Turner wig on, black leather mini skirt and 6 inch stilettos?  I would look like Aveline the wannabe model from the 1980's sitcom Bread!  Rumor had it back in the day that Cher had had her bottom ribs removed to give her her an amazing figure - mine is definitely not so good. Neither am I wearing a white nightie a la Bonnie Tyler and waiting for a hero! I fleetingly consider a shell suit and trainers - but have no desire whatsoever to look like Jimmy Saville or the scousers that Harry Enfield used to send up.

What I will eventually end up wearing remains to be seen, how we will walk in stilettos after spending years in wellies, flip flops or boots, running after kids and dogs like some deranged lunatics is another story entirely, but you can be very sure that the bestie and I, like Patsy and Eddy will end up having some kind of disaster!

Thanks for reading x

Walt Disney is on thin ice! or "Frozen"

This should have been last nights piece, but I got a bit excited about one of my posts receiving 100 hits! As ever please share, it's the only way anyone ever reads what I write xx

When I was a child the Disney Princess world did not exist.  Indeed I only ever went to see Snow White at the movies and was so scared of the wicked witch I hid behind the chair, lost one of my red mittens and remember the whole experience as being slightly traumatic.  To this day I have never again watched Snow White.

These days a whole generation of little girls love and adore Disney princess's, frazzled parents have to buy into the marketing machine tat that is the Disney store, and every little girl seems to own at least one princess dress. Little girls play princess all day, and discuss between themselves whether they are Belle, Ariel, Snow White, Tinkerbelle, Cinderella, Tianna or Pocahontas and now we have Anna and Elsa from Frozen.

Squeaks attempts at being a Disney princess when she was a little girl were rather funny.  Although she loved the big dresses, she loved her trainers, and getting dirty more!  A tiny little thing with an unruly mop of curly hair she would charge about the garden with a ballgown and trainers on, very often ending up with getting stuck in a tree with a ripped princess dress, cut knee and woeful expression on her face. She would take the scissors to her dress's in an effort to make it more practical, or even draw on them if she ran out paper!  I got used to rolling my eyes at yet another dress disaster, and all in all I never really worried about the effect being a Disney princess might have on my daughter.

I know people complain loudly about the appalling way Disney treats it's princess's, suggesting Belle has Stockholm syndrome, that the real story behind Pocahontas was not that pleasant, that as long as you are basically a nice person it's fine - you will have a fairy godmother and marry a prince, and that the only ambition mermaids have is to fall in love with one! We all have to find out one way or another that in order for a girl to find her handsome prince, she has to kiss a hell of a lot of frogs first! I  want to be clear here - I am not a raging feminist who bangs on about all men being tossers, neither do I burn my bra's (I seriously couldn't - the amount of reinforced scaffolding my bra's require to just hold me in place is frightening) but just recently Disney has started to really get on my tits!

I bought Squeak the "Frozen" DVD for Easter and she loves it.  Plays it almost constantly, knows all the words and all the songs and is currently saving her pocket money up to by an Olaf (he's a snowman if you have not seen the film). Frozen is the latest film to emerge from Disney, has received critical acclaim and is universally adored.  Hailed as revolutionary because our heroine does NOT marry a prince, she is saved by the true love of her sister. The film also goes on to debunk the "love at first sight" thing and still promotes good old fashioned family values. So why am I so bugged?

Has anyone actually seen this film?  It's terrible.(WARNING!!! spoilers!!)

Basically two sisters grow up together, the elder (Elsa) has magic, the younger one (Anna) does not.  Anna's actions as a little girl basically mean Elsa uses her magic and accidentally hurts her.  They visit the trolls in order for Anna to be saved, and while they are there the trolls frighten Elsa in to being scared of her magic. A few years later their parents have died and Elsa has locked herself and the kingdom away for fear of her magic.  However it is coronation day, and the gates are to be opened.  Anna meets and falls in love instantly with someone, and when told by her sister she cannot marry someone she only just met provokes her again into using her magic.  Elsa accidentally sets of an endless winter in the kingdom, runs off up a mountain singing a song (Let it go), builds an ice palace, transforms her stuffy clothes into some sexy dress thing and determines to live her life in isolation. Anna sets out to rescue her sister, leaves the love of her life in charge of the kingdom, fires off on a horse, meets another man in a shop, demands he helps her, meets a cute snowman, and finds her sister.  Provoking her yet again her sister uses magic and puts ice in her heart.  Her companion takes her to the trolls who say only an act of true love can help her,(another song).  Her companion races her back to castle to meet her handsome prince, receive a true loves kiss and be healed.  The prince has no love for her and leaves her to die, imprisons Elsa and takes over the kingdom.  Yet more snow arrives, Anna and the Snowman escape, Anna's real true love (the man who helped her) is searching for her and Elsa is also stranded.  Anna jumps in front of the prince to save Elsa and turns to ice.  This act of selfless bravery is the act of true love, everyone is saved, Elsa no longer fears her magic and everyone lives happily ever after.

It's not the way Disney portrays women, big bambi eyes, barbie like figures, and impossible hair that I object to - or its "revolutionary" use of the love at first sight thing, I don't even mind the annoying snowman. It is just that the character portrayals are terrible.  Anna comes across as self absorbed, stupid, and annoying, she never seems to learn from her mistakes and believes she is always right.  The day of the coronation she is more interested in herself and meeting someone than she is in her sister, the kingdom and the reasons why Elsa shut herself away.  She honestly thinks her sister won't hurt her and she can sort it all out. I think she is meant to come across as charming, naive, brave and courageous but I end up wanting to slap her and tell her to get a grip and grow up.

Elsa also annoys me, the big scene where she changes from a repressed princess frightened of her magic to a sexy lady declaring " the cold never bothered me anyway" simply meant she had swapped one life of isolation (without magic) for another with magic.

The whole you can't fall in love with someone you have only just met kind of falls flat on its face when you think that the real love of Anna's life had also only known her for about a day, and (this is the most important bit) there was NO decent villain at all whatsoever in the whole film. A decent villain drives a story like nothing else. I like villains and anti-heroes, if a film has a good enough villain in it  there is a good chance I will watch the film to the end. There is no point at all being a hero or a heroine if there is no one to beat.  I like Cruella De Ville, Ursula, and the Evil Queen,  I loved Pitch in Rise of the Guardians, Lord Farquaad in Shrek was screamingly funny,  I like Loki in Thor, and  I adored Snape in Harry Potter.

This piece is not meant to be academic or snobby about a kids film, it just annoys me that this film encourages stupidity.  If little girls take anything at all away from the film it will be that it is ok to be stupid, or not learn from your mistakes or think things through -  you will still get your happy ending!  Thinking about it, it's no wonder my kids describe me a witch sometimes.........

aahh.....I feel a whole lot better for having a rant.

P.S - I have not told Squeak I have written a piece dissing her favorite film - I think I will leave it that way!

Thanks for reading xxx