One more about our jolly holidays and then I will write about something else.
Just before we left I had a conversation with the Dowager about the caravan. She had written down all the instructions she could think of (even down to how to open the door!) and her parting words to me were "you might have to riddle the gas jets in the oven before you use it - I think I might have got some oven cleaner stuck! As I had no intention at the time of using the oven (I'm on holiday - I have better things to do with my time than spend hours sweating over a ready meal!) I was not particularly concerned. Oh foolish woman - I should have known better.
By the Easter weekend our mountain of supplies was running a bit low so a trip to Asda was needed. The kids suggested pizza and I found a chicken in a bag. I decided to try the chicken in a bag thing for our Easter Sunday lunch, and pizza for our Good Friday tea. Getting back to the caravan, we were looking forward an evening of slobbing out with Pizza, chocolate, and the Hobbit on the DVD player.
The first problem I encountered with my master plan was the pizza was too big to fit in the oven! I had to chop it in half and use two shelves. This would mean that one bit would cook faster than the other one, but hey ho it's still pizza. I tried to light the oven. Nothing happened. I tried again - still nothing. I sighed, got down on my knees and stuck my head in the oven. The gas bit was hidden behind a metal plate which meant I had to unscrew it. I did not have a screwdriver so ended up using a knife! Two hungry kids sat at the table open mouthed listening to 40something bitch rant with her head in the oven and her bottom stuck in the air.
"Got bloody oven cleaner stuck in the gas jets - she's only managed to disconnect the entire bloody plate, which is why the ****ing oven does not work! Now what am I supposed to do! I have two hungry kids, a delinquent dog that is going to the orphanage if he does not pull his socks up, two halves of an uncooked pizza and a bloody chicken in a bag in the fridge waiting to be roasted on Sunday. Got bloody oven cleaner stuck.....I'll give her bloody oven cleaner!" I hope you are getting the picture.
I managed with some jiggling and poking about (and quite a bit of swearing) to reconnect the plate. I managed finally to get the oven lit - and about an hour later we finally sat down to Pizza. Hurrah I thought - I am superwoman. Then, and I kid you not - the electrics went out and we lost all power!
By this point I lost the will to live. A single mum of 40 something, with 2 kids in a caravan in Wales on a bank holiday weekend, with no power!
This was a site wide thing, 50 caravans all boiling a kettle at the same time for their late night Horlicks was a tad too much! We did not have an electric kettle, we had a stove top one that whistled. (It also takes about 3 weeks to boil). This meant we could not watch our film as the telly runs on 240V, so after boiling our kettle, we flicked over to 12V and listened, with hot water bottles and hot chocolate to one of the books on tape I had unearthed from the charity shop.
Busters Diaries as told to Roy Hattersley had me absolutely crying with laughter. The diary details the life of Buster a mongrel dog, told from the dogs point of view. For every incident he recounted the kids would laugh and say that's just like the Delinquent! Buster was so outrageous that for a while Roy Hattersley actually considered moving to Ireland if the authorities were to insist on having him put down. Busters antics included killing a goose (which belonged to the queen!) mistaking a man doing Tai Chi in the park for a tree and peeing on his shoes! Catching all manner of hedgehogs, frogs and rats, eating rubbish and generally being a pest.
It seems even left wing members in the House of Lords can have problems with dogs!
All the best people do you know :)
Thanks for reading. xx
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